


like you, like me, like everybody else

by drouinmackinnon



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-01-26 07:09:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1679339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drouinmackinnon/pseuds/drouinmackinnon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'He's in love, he decides resolutely, internally screaming because this girl has an undercut and the underneath layers of her hair are green. “Fucking green, Segs, GREEN.” It's fate, Patrick resolves.'<br/>In which Tazer is a cool alt art student, Kaner's a douchey frat bro, and everybody's dumb.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> This kind of came out of nowhere.  
> Un-beta'd because I live on the edge.  
> (all apologies, I haven't written in about 2 years.)  
> Title from Harlem by New Politics.

_**GREEN** _

The first time Kaner sees Jo Toews he thinks he's died and ascended to some sort of alternative heaven. She walks by with a sketchbook held firmly under one arm. A coffee in one hand, and a cigarette in the other; not even sparing a glance in Patrick's direction as she intones to one of her friends (the one with dimples, Jeff something?) about some fancy art shit that Kaner doesn't know about.

He's in love, he decides resolutely, internally screaming because this girl has an undercut and the underneath layers of her hair are green. “Fucking green, Segs, _GREEN_.” It's fate, Patrick resolves. Now if only he could see her again. And talk to her. God, he thinks, she seems so _cool._ Way too cool to be seen dead with a fucking frat boy like Kaner.

Kaner definitely doesn't spend the next few days casually walking past the art rooms as much as possible. No, that would be weird. He would never do that.

He totally does that.


	2. two.

_**BLUE/RED** _

The second time he sees her it's a few weeks later and she's with a guy. He's got legitimate Disney Prince hair and these Bambi eyes that Kaner would probably be smitten over if he swung that way. Kaner made a mental note to tell MacKinnon about this kid. Jo is smirking slightly as she looks up from her phone and murmurs something to Bambi who giggles and nods, smiling out a reply.She laughs, barely a laugh. More a dry, almost condescending huff. Kaner wants that laugh in his life, whether it's directed at him or at something he's said. _Damn_. Her hair's different, the green gone in exchange for half aquamarine, half really fucking red. Kaner thinks absently that, on anyone else, it'd look fuckin' ridiculous. But this was _Jo_ , with her ever-present coffee and the effortlessly cool 'I'm an art student, fuck you' vibes she sends.

Kaner may have sat there for about 20 minutes or so trying to listen in on their conversation. It wasn't creepy, he thought, more for his own reassurance. It wasn't working. Patrick was so fucked. He was turning into some sort of creepy stalker. He spends another few minutes sat there, regretting all his life decisions up until that very moment. He repeats all this information to MacKinnon and Seguin later, after practically sprinting back to the house. Seguin almost looks like he feels bad for Kaner, and MacKinnon just interrogates him about the doe-eyed Disney Prince kid.

That fucker. 


	3. three.

_**PURPLE/VIOLET/BLUE** _

He doesn't see her again for a while, he's completely slammed with work. Why did he ever think majoring in Sociology was a good idea? On top of that, he has to write a paper on the Post-Modernist view of the media in society with Eric Staal. Eric isn't the type of guy Kaner normally hangs out with, he's all smiles and amicable arm resting and just a nice fuckin' dude. Kaner talks to him in class, so when he finds out about the paper his first thought is to ask Eric. Of course Eric says yes.

He's a chill guy, Kaner thinks, as he walks over to Eric's place. Kaner doesn't really know Eric all that well, he knows that there is a veritable small army of Staals. He hasn't met any of them (they're all spread out over the US, and Canada. Always Canada.) but he can only assume if they're anything like Eric they're probably good dudes. As Patrick gets to Eric's, whilst waiting for someone to buzz him in, he mentally runs over everything he can remember about Post-Modernists. It's not much.

His vehement hope that Eric maybe paid more attention than him is ruined by the door opening. Fuck, shit. Fuck fuck. That's Jeff, Patrick wants to die. Patrick wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He prays intensely for some sort of apocalypse. Naturally, because his life sucks, it doesn't happen. Kaner's standing there like an idiot, in front of one of Jo's (seemingly) best friends. Regrettably, he's wearing a pair of grody basketball shorts, an honest to god 'Save water, Drink beer' shirt, and flip flops. Fucking _flip flops._ Fuck his life. Fuck it.

Awkward introductions over, Kaner shuffles in to Eric's, and apparently Jeff, and Jo's too, apartment. It's pretty sweet, sick TV against one wall, a standard kitchen, and what can only be described as a mountain range of empty beer cans. Clearly Patrick had underestimated Staal. He could totally dig this. Kaner's sitting on the sofa, vaguely articulating potential ideas for their essay when Jo walks in. She's all in black. T-shirt, short skater skirt, chunky heeled ankle boots. Patrick's sentence hangs unfinished in the air. She nods at him, his genius response of 'uhh yo sup I'm Kaner...' gets him a twitch of her lips and a (slightly less awkward) 'Smooth, I'm Jo.' Internal fist pumps over, Kaner tries (and fails) to turn his attention back to Eric.

She's changed her hair _again._ It's this punchy red/purple, fading to intense violet, finishing deep blue at the tips. It's fucking distracting. The way it looks under the shitty incandescents of Eric's place. Kaner cannot begin to deal, all the in-between shades showing as she pulls her hair up into a messy bun, adding her input on the ideas for Patrick and Eric's paper. 'I took a Sociology class last year to up my GPA, total blow off. Sorry, but not really.' She's intelligent, _of course_ she's intelligent.

Kaner also comes to learn that she's got a killer sense of humour, too. All razor sharp come backs, delivered totally deadpan. He loses it when she calls Eric a 'Viking Chieftain turned Sociologist'. He also learns doe-eyes name is Brandon Saad (he surreptitiously texts this breaking news to MacKinnon who replies with too many smiley face emojis for any one human to comprehend. That dork.) It's also implied, then promptly confirmed by Jo, that Jeff and Eric are dating. She says it in some semi-cautious way like she expects Patrick to voice his disgust at the concept. Just because there are some douchey frat bros, it doesn't mean Kaner's one of them.

This revelation prompts Kaner into recounting his stories of how he drunkenly made out with MacKinnon the year previous. It sucked, they were both drunk and it was _almost_ awkward afterwards. Their Broship survived it. It was beautiful. Also how he walked in on Seguin and his boyfriend mid-way through some rager Bollig had organised, Kaner was only looking for his lucky beer pong ball. He loves Seguin and all but he never wants to see his dick. Like, ever.


	4. four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My hands may have accidentally slipped and made an [8tracks](https://8tracks.com/bore-offf/like-you-like-me) playlist for this.  
> Oh no, what a bad mistake.  
> 

_**PINK/GREEN** _

Kaner's been hanging at Eric/Jeff/Jo's place a lot recently, even though the paper was handed in a month or so ago. It's pretty sick, Patrick's been bringing MacKinnon over and getting him to actually talk to Bambi. It was sweet, in a 'what are you doing just KISS HIM' kind of way so, naturally, Jo found it utterly hilarious.

She was doing her best impression of Saader's little giggle in-between pulls of her cigarette. “you're fuckin mean, Jo. Shit.” any force the words may have had were completely ruined by Patrick's laughter. Her monotone reply of 'Ouch, Kaner, those words cut right to my soul' was enough to start him off again. Unsure if it was the four beers he's had or his impressive maturity level, Kaner's reply of 'Fuck you' got him a raised eyebrow and a pat on the shoulder from Jo. Her 'you should be so lucky' hanging stagnant in the air.

As she turned to go back inside he notices her hair, like he wouldn't normally? Ha. It's half pink, half green. Patrick's mesmerised, he always is. Without thinking (does he ever think?) he blurts out 'why do you do that, you know. With your hair?' She stops for a moment, and Kaner gets his answer. A 'There's no point. Why don't _you_ dye _your_ hair?'

He wonders this later. Out loud. To Nathan and Eric. (He also may or may not text Segs, too.) The responses range from 'I would make you move out'- from Nathan. 'I don't think green's your colour, man'- from Eric, which Kaner can't even dispute. Also the lovely 'Would you like to use my phone Kaner, to ring someone who cares?!'- from Tyler.

Kaner 100% does not look on amazon to see how much hair dye costs. He decides not to, though. Half because he's fucking broke, and half because it wouldn't be as good if he did it.

 


	5. five.

_**ORANGE** _

Nathan has a date ('Fuck you, Kaner. We're getting _coffee_.') with Brandon, which is how Patrick ends up spending 20 minutes googling the best coffee shops in the area. 'How is this not a date' 'Because it's not Kaner, check the yelp reviews for that one' He huffs, bats Nathan's hand away, but reads the yelp reviews anyway. They're unsurprisingly shit.

Like it makes a difference, coffee is coffee, right? According to Nathan and Jo, however, coffee is not _just_ coffee. Apparently Kaner wouldn't know good coffee because he is a 'heathen with no taste', thanks Seguin. Patrick's about 10 seconds away from punching either himself or everyone in a 5-foot radius when Nathan finally decides. It's some italian-sounding place, Kaner doesn't care about how many stars google says it has. He just wants Nathan to fucking _leave_. He has things to do.

By 'things' he means waiting for 20 minutes after Brandon and Nathan leave and sneaking in to aforementioned 'italian-sounding place' with Jo. She protests, claiming it'll be 'boring and awkward', but relents eventually, saying it has nothing to do with 'your superior charm, Kaner. I just don't have anything to do tonight, Eric and Jeff are in the middle of an argument.'

'You have plans now,' Kaner's beaming 'You're gonna come and do some super secret, full-on badass, undercover spying with me.' Patrick disappears for a few minutes, because he needs to 'fully immerse' himself into his 'ingenious and totally covert disguise.' He hears Jo's laugh followed by a 'you've never been covert in your life, dude. Not even once'.

As he emerges, Jo's eyebrows contort for a moment before settling on deeply unimpressed. 'You spent 15 minutes on your 'covert,'' in air quotes, 'disguise and it's a fucking black sweater and hat? I am amazed at your skills. I mean, really, just blown away. James Bond is out of day job at this rate.' Patrick grins, shrugging, 'I'm a man of many talents, what can I say?'

They're roughly half way there, Jo's boots clicking slightly against the pavement. Then Patrick notices her hair, it's bright orange. Like, _highlighter orange_. 'You have to wear the hat, fuck,' Jo gives him her patented 'try-me, fucker' look, 'no, your hair Jo. Shit. You're like a walking post-it note. You're not blowing this mission. Put the damn hat on. I have a spare. _Preparation_. _'_ The last word of his sentence punctuated with some elaborate hand waving. She does, eventually, Patrick still gets a dead arm for his troubles.

When they get there the place is, thankfully, bustling. They spot Nathan and Brandon, sitting in the opposite corner. 'Romantic' Kaner sing songs, wagging his eyebrows at Jo who just shoves him out of the way and orders for both of them. While he waits, he conducts super secret espionage or 'creepy staring' as Jo calls it. When they get their coffee they find a tactical vantage point. 'Kaner, it's a moderately far-away table. Shut the fuck up.' 'Look, Jo. I get it, you're jealous of my spying prowess.' Another dead arm.

Kaner leaves the coffee shop fairly disappointed, not by his amazing chameleon-like disguise (which was amazing, shut _up_ Jo) but by the lack of good blackmail material. To put it simply, it was a first date. Semi-awkward at the beginning but leading into gentle flirting. There was no tripping and accidentally throwing their drinks on one another, no awkward silences that Kaner picked up on, and no overly sappy shit to chirp either of them about. What a let-down. It was quite cute, but Kaner would never admit to it.

'Still,' Jo supposes 'at least their coffee was good.' Kaner just glares at her 'It was _okay._ '

 


	6. six.

_**MINT GREEN** _

Kaner isn't brooding, okay. He's not. He's just having _problems_ at the moment, and if those _problems_ happen to stem from all of his friends dating each other then that is just a coincidence. If those _problems_ culminate in him scoffing at Jeff and Eric's double date with Nate and Brandon, and maturely flipping them off, as they drive to whatever shitty place they're going to. It 100% has nothing to do with him being even remotely close to brooding.

5 minutes later Jo comes in, interrupting Kaner's valiant attempt to glare a hole through the wall. She glances at him quickly, pulls a mildly disgusted face at him, and walks straight into the kitchen. Her hair's mint green, pulled up sloppily with an elastic band. The colour of it really suits her, Kaner thinks bitterly as he collects his shit, intending to go the fuck home and let Seguin chirp him all night. As he opens the front door he hears Jo's yell of 'Don't even think about leaving, Peeksy. You're a sad sack of shit at the moment and I'm gonna get to the bottom of it. If you walk out that door I will chase you the _fuck_ down.' Kaner slams the door as he huffs his way back to the sofa. Fuck Jo, fuck her and her always being right. Patrick resumes his wall-glaring activity, hoping that if he tries hard enough he might open up some portal to Hell and fling himself into it.

Jo walks into the living room and thrusts a cup of too hot, too bitter, absolutely perfect coffee into Patrick's hands. He tries to level her with a glare but gets a 'We're doing this sober, fuckwit. I don't drink anyway. You know that.' Kaner does know that. He secretly thinks it's cool, though he's never going to admit it. He shifts his glare back to the wall, avoiding her questions for as long as he can.

It's fucking embarrassing okay, he's never going to admit his totally not brooding to Jo. She'd probably tell him to stop being an idiot and just get with one of the dull, slightly moronic girls on his course. As much as he would love to date a girl with all the personality of pancake batter who wouldn't get along with his friends, maybe not. Kaner just wants what all his friends have, which is a kickass relationship. With a kickass human who actually gets his jokes. But that is all completely mortifying and emotional and _sappy._ Because Kaner's in a frat, right. So he should be spending his weekends going to sick ass keggers and hooking up with the girls from that sorority across the street. Fuck that, though, because Kaner loves what he has, and his friends, and he just wants someone else to be there with him. Namely Jo, he really wants Jo to be there with him. Whatever. It's dumb anyway.

Kaner finally, _finally_ , stops trying to laser-glare the wall and turns to look at Jo. Who is just looking at him. Kind of like she just realised the most obvious thing in the world. Kaner dies inside slightly, 'I said that out loud didn't I?' 'Yeah, Kaner, you said that out loud'. Well. Fuck.

Patrick moves to stand up, and leave, and possibly run all the way home to Buffalo and curl up in his old bed and never leave. He doesn't get that far, though. Because Jo is hitting him, punching him in the shoulder and calling him a 'fucking god damn idiot perfect bastard' and then she's kissing him. Kaner short-circuits and definitely doesn't get what's going on for a second. He breaks the kiss and gestures between them, trying to say something but just making vague noises instead. Jo stops him with 'You're an idiot. I just want you to know that,' Kaner nods dumbly, 'and if you ever even think about not telling me shit like that again I will honestly kill you,' Kaner continues to nod, 'Kiss me you idiot.'

Kaner totally does.

 


End file.
